One theme comes up time and time again in conversations with my clients.

Women are busy.

Busy working, looking after children, supporting partners, caring for ageing parents, running households, remembering birthdays, managing diaries, and generally holding everything together.

And somewhere in the middle of all that, they often put themselves right at the bottom of the list.

Many women tell me they only think about looking after themselves if there is any time left over after everything else has been done. Unsurprisingly, that time rarely appears.

Recently, several clients have been talking about feeling exhausted, disconnected from themselves, and struggling to remember what they actually enjoy doing for fun. Not because they don’t want fun in their lives, but because they’ve become so used to being needed by everyone else.

This is the where the idea of Soft Play is so important.

What is Soft Play?

The idea of Soft Play was developed by Jo Martin, founder of One of Many, and it’s a concept that has stayed with me for years because it’s both simple and surprisingly powerful.

The idea is to set aside just one hour each week to do something purely for yourself.

Not work.

Not life admin.

Not housework.

Not catching up on jobs you’ve been meaning to do.

And not even traditional self-care.

This is where Soft Play is a little different.

It’s not about doing things because they’re good for you. It’s about doing something because it’s enjoyable.

Why do we find this so difficult?

Whenever I suggest this idea, I often hear the same response:

“I wouldn’t even know what to do.”

Many of us have become so focused on getting through our responsibilities that we’ve lost touch with the things that light us up.

And even when we do know what we’d enjoy, guilt often creeps in.

It can feel selfish.

Indulgent.

Frivolous.

As though everyone else’s needs should come first.

Yet the women I work with almost always recognise the irony of this. They know that when they feel happier, more energised and more connected to themselves, everyone around them benefits too.

They’re more patient.

More present.

More resilient.

More themselves.

The lessons our children learn

If you have children, there is another important piece to consider.

Children learn far more from what we do than what we say.

If they grow up watching a parent who never makes time for themselves, never prioritises joy, and always puts their own needs last, what message are they absorbing?

They may learn that being a good parent means self-sacrifice.

That mums, in particular, should come last.

That caring for yourself is something to feel guilty about.

Many of us inherited these beliefs ourselves without ever consciously choosing them.

But what if our children saw something different?

What if they saw us making space for things that bring us joy?

What if they saw us laughing, exploring, resting and doing things simply because we enjoy them?

What if they learnt that every member of the family matters?

By giving ourselves permission to have fun, we’re teaching our children that wellbeing matters, relationships matter, and joy matters too.

A gentle challenge

As I reflected on this recently, I realised I needed the reminder myself.

Like many of my clients, I’d gradually allowed busyness to creep back in.

The habits that support us are often the first things to disappear when life gets full.

So I’m making a commitment to bring more playfulness back into my own week.

Not because I’ve earned it.

Not because everything else is finished.

But because it matters.

And perhaps that’s the invitation I’d like to leave with you.

What could you do this week that is purely for you?

Not productive.

Not useful.

Not another thing on the to-do list.

Just enjoyable.

One hour.

One small act of choosing yourself.

You might be surprised by the difference it makes.

Fancy a chat?

If this resonates with you, and you’re feeling stuck in the cycle of always putting yourself last, I’d love to talk.

My “Just a Chat” sessions are a relaxed, no-pressure opportunity for us to explore what’s going on for you, where you might be feeling overwhelmed, and how you can start creating more balance, calm and fulfilment in your life.

Sometimes a conversation is all it takes to help you see things differently.

Get in touch to book your free Just a Chat call – I’d love to hear from you.

The concept of Soft Play was created by Jo Martin and shared through the One of Many programme. It’s an idea I’ve returned to many times over the years, both personally and in my work with clients, because of the simple but profound difference it can make.